Sunday, July 12, 2009

faking it

instead of being my usual blah self and going around with my shit-eating grin while secretly judging the world and feeling my discontents, i'm going to try a new strategy.

fake it till i make it! ok that's not an entirely new strategy; that's something i've been wanting to do ever since i started this blogparty but starting as of right now, i'm going to be the party that i want to attend. starting right now, i'm going to focus on what i can do to get to a better and happier spot. yes there's always the bump in the road that hits your low-riding car, or the snark in the comments section, or the steaming pile of dog poo on the street that is narrowly averted, but i'm going to focus instead on the lavendar scent from the bushes, the glimmering ocean, the wide smiles of children, and the smell of bread baking, and think, damn this isn't so bad after all.

there's something about being happy that is infectious and inspiring; it's like a cool sweet watermelon in the sauna days of summer. until you bite into it, you don't know what you're missing but once you have it, you want it and can't imagine life without it. so here's to happy! and faking it till you make it. here's to feeling like all this, everything that we have right now at this time in this moment and in this way is all OK. And, to smiling a little, even when you don't totally feel like it.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

There's much that I want to say to you now, but I can't because your life is far away from me now. There's much that I wish I had appreciated about you. But, that's always the way.

Looking back on the horizon, I notice now the flowers dotting the side of the road and the vast dusty brown-green landscape. I notice how the mountains on the side look much smaller than they did miles ago. I see a cloud spreading its fingers into the sky and I forget to look at the road I'm on and where I'm going. I've got to remember to keep my eyes on the road and focus on where I am, and not where I've been.

I don't look back as much now, but still, I can't help looking back into the rear-view mirror occasionally and catching a glimpse behind me, and wondering what would have happened if I'd stayed. But, then I'd probably be peering ahead and wondering what the road looks like ahead.