it's already october. the chill in the air reminds me that another year is passing. another year in which i haven't accomplished my goals. another year that i am older. another year that i have wasted time. wasted time at work; at play; and even in sleep. wasted time not doing the right things, the important things, the things that i can look back on and smile thinking, those were hours that i don't regret.

i have half-listened to friends; half-assedly surfed the internet; half-heartedly liked someone i was dating (but whom i couldn't really bring myself even to kiss); and half-spent my life now. it is nearly half spent and it feels like i have done nothing that is even half-worth it.

that's not entirely true. a few moments shine. the crowded beach when i was 13 and lithe and tan. wearing my tight jeans and feeling like the world was ahead of me. late nights with my friends doing nothing more than drinking and laughing at the absurdity of things. that chocolate mousse that was nearly perfect. a warm cup of coffee on a frozen morning. the way that he smiled and looked at me. lounging on the porch, listening to the rain and reading a book.

the world is falling apart. it's times like these, i realize that i should pay attention to everything. even in the midst of half-assed half-hearted moments, life happens.