I was cleaning up my apartment the other day when I came upon this old CD that a friend gave me. I popped it into the player and sat back, nostalgia washing over me as I listened to The Smiths, The Cure, and Echo and the Bunnyman. I remember when I had those big waves/fins as bangs and the striped t-shirts and the stirrup pants tucked into little boots. I remember bouncing around in a club to the Go-Gos. I don't remember thinking that we looked ridiculous. It's only now, in retrospect, that I realize how bad the fashion was.

Then, today I went to the mall and saw all these teenagers wearing striped t-shirts, straight-legged jeans, with glowing skin that looked almost radioactive. They looked happy and oblivious. They have no idea what awaits for them. They have no idea how bad they will look to themselves in the future. I envy them that innocence.

there have been a lot of changes in the past month or two. things seem to be shifting again and in strange ways, echoing the past. is this the way life is? is it a spiraling down or up toward some final destination point in the sky? it lately feels a lot like de ja vu, but this time, i think i'm a little more prepared to handle the new (and old).

after all the little things that have happened this year, the latest is really not a big deal.

yet, at one time, it would have really hurt a lot more than it does now. i mean, it doesn't really hurt. it's more like a tiny slap on the arm - something that reminds me that i've got to get a move-on - but nothing that i didn't really know wouldn't happen. i quit my job in the past month, moved back to s.f. (where it just kills me that it's freezing cold in the summertime!), and am now enrolled in night school for a new degree.... but that's not the biggest news. the biggest news is that a friend, someone for whom i once carried a big torch... well he's done it. he's gone and gotten married. what's happening to this world when people i knew who used to proclaim that marriage was for idiots are committing this act?? happy news like this can make me sad. :-)

anyway, i've done a lot of moving and changing and growing but sometimes it feels like i'm the only one who's standing still.