you will never know how much i missed you.

you will never know that i used to wake up with your name on the tip of my tongue and mind - just hanging in the space of everything, like dust and molecules floating in the air... invisible but present.

you will never know that i recently started writing you letters in cyberspace - a place to voice my thoughts in penance.

you will never know that i still think of you with the sorrow of someone who in hindsight understands loss.

you will never know that sometimes, late at night, i imagine that you are here with me and that our lives had turned out differently.

last night i remembered you again. i was with someone else but for a second, i imagined he was you... and it made me happy. silly me.

you will never know, but it's time to let go.

i'm trying to be compassionate, respectful, and fair in my dealings with people. sometimes it's hard when they throw only anger, disrespect, or bad attitude at me. and it makes me wonder whether i've somehow drawn or attracted that situation to my life? it makes me stop and examine my role in the interaction to see whether i'm contributing to the reaction, and many times, i realize, yes i am contributing my share to the situation. sometimes though, people can just be plain rude, unprovoked. in those cases, i've decided that it's best to shake it off and let it go. after stomping all over 'em, of course. ha. just kidding.