The ugly mood has passed but some residual after-effects are an extra 4 lbs from lots of nachos and chocolate to pacify myself.

I wish I could find a drug to cure myself of feeling my emotions. Yeah I guess it's called Prozac. But, I didn't really mean drug. I meant, I wish I could find a non-drug way to get out of a funk. A non-drug way that doesn't rely on other unhealthy and fattening addictions.

Avoidance is another issue that I am trying to deal with. In avoiding one issue, I usually come upon other issues. Then, its a question of which issue I want to avoid more- and I usually will obsess about the perceived easier issue...

Today for example, I came across an old note from an ex boyfriend that made me nostalgic. I started thinking about ex again and remembering the good and bad times. I started to question whether what bothered me about our relationship was really that important. I remembered how he used to do small things, like bring me home ice cream when I was feeling upset, and how he used to watch me fall asleep. I miss those things.

Ultimately, I'd forgotten that I was going to be more future-focused and optimistic this year. I'd also forgotten the reasons that I broke up with ex in the first place. So much easier to look back than to face the hard questions. What do I want out of life and how am I going to get it?