I'm looking for something to ignite me, to get me worked up and to feel alive, the way you feel after a long jog through the beach. I'm looking for a way out of the drudgery of my everyday life - the spark that keeps you going. For a long time, I looked for that in things: the right pair of jeans, the car, the restaurants that I went to, the purses... Then I looked for that in people: my friends, my teachers, my boyfriends. But I ended up burning out these relationships. So I looked for it in places: travels to paris, london, rome, and berlin; hawaiian holidays; thailand; vacations in the carribean. And I looked for it in religion. Finally I looked for it in my hobbies: jogging, skiing, hiking, whitewater rafting, and even, yes, writing.

But, I found that none of this really totally ignites me. I think I've only felt that alive when I'm falling in love; then I feel like the world is both endless and finite and that I could conquer anything. Yet this feeling doesn't last when it happens with relationships. So, is there a way to experience this independent of people, places, and things?

I think that if I can maintain this sense of wonder and marvel, regardless of where I am in my life, then maybe I can possibly move worlds. Maybe then I won't need to search constantly outside of myself.